Are Chinese Parents Superior?

i was enjoying a nice, relaxing weekend this past weekend with friends when i came into the living room to hear one of my friends reading this article about asian parenting. i got upset listening to her read it. in case you haven't read it, it's entitled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" and it was printed in the wall street journal. why the WSJ decided to print that, i don't know. in case you haven't read it, you can find it here.

it disturbed me for several reasons. first, i identified with some of the author's rules. they were ones that my parents enforced when i was a child and hearing them dredged up some of my lingering psychological trauma (yes, still residual) from never having been able to get a B or go to a sleepover. yes yes, all asian mothers say, sleepovers don't matter. you don't need to go. but honestly, when you're 10 and everyone else is going and all you want to do is be a kid, yes, it does matter. i still miss that i didn't get to go and now that i'm too old to have sleepovers, that precious opportunity is gone.

secondly, i just don't get how the author of this article thinks that her actions are laudable or something to boast about. she seems proud that she's authoritarian and inflexible, and that her children or overachievers, despite the fact that they're missing out on normal, developmental emotional and social experiences. i'd liken it boasting that you managed to tackle and cage a sleeping bunny rabbit. it's not something you would parade, because honestly, it's not a great thing.

finally, it bothers me because it's obvious that Asian parenting is not totally successful and that yes, it does have its consequences. sure, we might excel school or our careers, but what about personal well-being? doesn't that matter? research has found that Asian women are at extreme risk for suicide, as they are the most likely demographic to even attempt suicide (link here ). why? perhaps in part because we propagate this "model minority" myth, because there parents who think it's okay to push their kids to the brink of excessiveness.

the problem with the author's perspective is that it's one-dimensional. it assumes that getting As, or playing a song perfectly on the piano, is the ultimate goal. that's fine if you're an adult who chooses such things as the definition of success. children with parents who impose, or as Amy puts it, demands an A, are not in the situation to choose. they're subjected to the priorities and desires of their parents, and consequently, things like autonomy, feelings, personal strengths and weaknesses... what i would describe as a respect for the individual character, become moot.

the problem with that is when you learn to ignore the individual, and teach him or her to ignore their internal needs, feelings, wants, and limitations, you end up with a person who is disconnected with himself, and in tune with some abstract goal that was never theirs to begin with. it's no wonder why Asians are prone to depression; some parents create circumstances that are simply impossible. to me, regardless of how they try justify them, depriving a child of a childhood is never something that can be deemed "superior."